THE TOXICITY OF FEMALE IDOLATRY IN CONTEXT OF IT-GIRL’ISM’, INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY AND PERFORMATIVE FEMINISM IN MEN

An excerpt from my fast pace train of thought.

The term ‘It-Girl’ is a term that has been haunting me since cognizance. Muse, inspiration. For years the only thing I had aspired to become. Is ‘it’ a certain talent? It is a feeling that originates at the inherent decision of being open to usage by other people, usually men. Do I have ‘It’? Though, it is a luxury to live and keep living leisurely, in lack of a true (financial) purpose. Other than being yourself. In fact, ‘it’ sounds like a dream, and a dream I have personally had since literacy. The struggle or path to become an It Girl is quite vague and yet to be revealed to the masses. It is to do something temporarily that will get picked up by someone or other, merely to drop it the second you are to gain notoriety.

When I was not thirteen Alexa Chung’s debut memoir “It” came out. It was everywhere. Tumblr, Instagram, Urban Outfitters. Though, I had not the means to buy or read it at that time, the word ‘It’ stuck with me forever.

‘It’, almost a synonym to ‘cool’ or ‘hip’. A feeling one must find within. One must be born with. An enigma. The word ‘muse’ is easy to pull into a broader context. The Greeks, the ancient Egyptians. Dante’s Beatrice and Fitzgerald’s Zelda. A muse is– in very unromantic and critical terms– an inspiration for another person (in this case a man) to capitalize off of. The woman who has ‘it’ is pent up with inadequacy and personal unfulfillment. While the inspired sucks up the sweet nectar of ambition to refuel their own. The inspiration gets the ‘fifteen minutes^[1]’ and the inspired gets the encouraged mention.

One of the many women I have personally looked up to in my years of adolescence was Edie Sedgwick. Sedgwick came from an affluent Massachusetts family. She was dubbed one of Andy Warhol’s Girls of the Moment/Superstars, and immediately grew to underground celebrity. A prominent socialite, ‘debutante’, actress, model, style icon. Sedgwick was known to have struggled with addiction and mental health issues from an early age. When fleeing to New York to escape her rigid environment, she met Warhol. The two hit it off immediately and Warhol was so completely besotted with Edie that he made her star of his new movie, Poor Little Rich Girl, straight away. Andy saw in Edie what he could not see in himself. He saw her as his ticket to a mainstream, Hollywood life. After a few happy months, Edie got involved with a certain singer. Bob Dylan. Andy was furious and felt betrayed. Andy quickly replaced Edie with a new Girl of the Moment. Edie was tired of Andy Warhol, his movies, his vision for her and The Factory^[2]. After the two split, Edie briefly decided to try and make it on her own, but soon passed away of an overdose at just 28 years old.

The ambition of being an ‘It Girl’ is something I have been occupied with for ages. Something about the value of capturing an ungraspable and unattainable essence is intoxicating.

Hereby, I offer myself as an unofficial case study.

This urge to offer yourself to others genius is inexplicable. Though, how do we turn the tides and sent the waves back toward ourselves? Especially, when we as women have been taught to send our (brain)waves elsewhere. Does this innocent urge for persuasion of the male species lean on internalized misogyny? Can I reclaim my power of seduction and utilize it in a way of self-empowerment, like a siren persuading a sailor? Can I regain my 23 integral years on this physical globe to fuel my own true academic- and artistic inferno?

The objective of women idolizing each other, using extreme envy or jealousy, derives from the innate disunion of women hundreds of years ago. This concept of ‘female rivalry^[3]’ is currently still prevalent, not just in concepts such as ‘frenemies^[4]’, but in extreme idolization too. Having said that, nowadays female rivalry is more frequently seen as ‘female intrasexual competition^[5]’. Which is essentially again about men. The concept of female rivalry I mean to discuss refers to a feeling of absence of opportunity for women, especially women of color, and especially in the public eye. The feeling of not being able to create your own space, because another woman is already in possession of said space. A feeling of being so impeccably clueless of how to exploit your own abilities, that the concept of provoking inspiration only remains.

Extreme forms of idolization stem back from an absence of space for women.

So, what other option do we have? We have a certain vision of who we are, and the second that space has been slightly filled there is no other woman who can do something remotely similar. And so, we idolize each other, so rapidly that we ultimately, forget all sense of intersectionality. The crystalizing of the inherent difference between a white woman and a woman of color. The severance of a marginalized group, and the different opportunities that rise up along. I hereby quote Audre Lorde’s ‘The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle The Master’s House’, “[…] I would be commenting upon papers dealing with the role of difference within the lives of American women: difference of race, sexuality, class and age. The absence of these considerations weakens any feminist discussion of the personal and the political.” This pattern leaves us walking a thin line between admiration and resentment. While most men self-indulge not even conscious of their societal superiority.

However, how does one come to terms with their self-idolatry ways, and where do we draw a line between, self-idolization, enviousness of others and plain narcissism. Does self-idolization work as an alternative for internalized misogyny? It feels like quite a natural thing to bust open the jar you have tried so hard to fill with passion and effort of creativity the second someone else comes in. But, will it implode of we leave it closed, even closed to ourselves?

The necessity of bettering yourself can overarch the awareness of societal-incompetence, at least in a more universal scheme. The constant oversaturation of wellness advertisement can even be seen as a discourse to guide women toward a different self-focus, contradictory to men focusing on themselves in a context of what they can achieve globally. With this ideology we can continue to walk through every integral promenade of our society the ways these bricks have been laid.

Though, I am forsaken on what is ultimately best. Focusing on attaining a particular essence of ‘it’, focusing on a self-bettering personal practice–so personal it is only for you to see– or the elusive urge to make space for more women. And, most heartedly the realization that there is a possibility for the latter.

I believe in a world of utter radicalization as opposed to easing into topics and politics. My brain has shifting tides, with high highs and low lows. I believe men can be feminist, in a way that is very different to their female counterpart. Plus, I especially believe that the men who do consider themselves feminist know this to be true indeed and are willing to carry the societal burden. Some might say even gracefully so.

There is something quite specifically wrong about the straight-, cis-, male urge of praising a woman in correlation to your personal financial profiting­. The pretention of concern surrounding feminism, while raking in the financial and societal praise solemnly. The feeling of having to care only to stay relevant and amiable. The rise of performative feminism has only worked up the ladder along with the rise of general feminism. Which only makes it that much more important to take up space and live in a way that upholds our morals. The generalization of the word feminism is thrashing the ideology each time it becomes used for commercial purposes.

In an ideal world, women would support one another, inspire their peers, look up to our friends (and frenemies), deem thy neighbor the It-Girl, in contrast to giving men the power, and opportunity do to so. Who ultimately decides what girl has ‘It’? Is it the girl herself, or is it that girl’s projection of her likelihood of attracting the men around her? The pointing a woman out as a muse– or in this case– It-Girl by a man is a way for that man to perform their deeply rooted misogyny as feminism. The only way of turning this around for women in a cycle of a broken system, is to use the stage you have been granted in a way that is breaking the skeleton of said system at length. In a way which manipulates the creators into progression, and exploits the rules in a way that destroys the builders of the skeleton. By talking about feminism while wearing a mini skirt. Or a sweat suit.

This is my personal inner-dialogue, manifesto and attempt to create outrage. Not just in my readers, but in myself as well. The inherent commotion to motivate one’s self time and again, is the same commotion that will ultimately get us out of the ever-drowning quicksand. We as a collective have the tendency to adapt to comfort. Though, comfort is what hell is to Christians, if progression would be our God.

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^[1] 15 minutes of fame is short-lived media publicity or celebrity of an individual or phenomenon. The expression was inspired by a quotation misattributed to Andy Warhol: "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."

^[2] The Factory was Andy Warhol's studio in Manhattan, New York City, which had four locations between 1963 and 1987. The Factory became famed for its parties in the 1960s. It was the hip hangout spot for artists, musicians, celebrities, and Warhol's superstars.

^[3] Female rivalry happens when a woman uses her power to keep another woman down, mistreats her, or competes unfairly. https://hbr.org/2020/04/its-time-to-break-the-cycle-of-female-rivalry - Harvard Business Review

^[4] a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.

^[5] Female intrasexual competition is competition between women over a potential mate. Such competition might include self-promotion, derogation of other women, and direct and indirect aggression toward other women.